Acute Bed shortage…what if it happens in reality
Tag Archives: joke
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.”
“I’m the principal’s daughter.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!”
- My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
- My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
- My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
- My mother taught me LOGIC. ” Because I said so, that’s why.”
- My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
- My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
- My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
- My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
- My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.
- My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
- My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas…
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
Football FINALLY makes sense………. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to
her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each
other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!” I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!
This is how blondes use their laptop
